Dear Reader, Yours and Always

An honest blog of my life, thoughts and ideas.

New Year

Dear Reader,

Potential is inside us all. If one person can look up to the moon and say “I want to go there” and make it happen then we are limitless, the only thing that holds us back is fear.

Fear is powerful, it can grow from something as small as doubt, as weak as a bad thought and grow into a tumour of fear.

Don’t let fear stop you this year. Try to overcome it, you can be limitless. I read this recently: impossible tells you that I’m possible.

Be possible.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

Somewhere in the World it is Sunny

Dear Reader,

Today’s lesson is optimism. Optimism is not being silly and thinking that all things are good, but believing that there are opportunities.

If we believe that things can be possible we can try and do well. If we worry that things might not be possible then they become harder.

I am in a place where I don’t want to worry about things, but I am avoiding attempting them, not because they are impossible, but because they are hard.

So what can be done? For me, I think it is up to the individual to make a decision to make things manageable. Split a problem up, what are the real reasons why you think something is difficult? Perhaps it is because it really matters. This idea can be applied to a lot of circumstances in life. If we compartmentalise our problems then they are in boxes we can open one at a time and sort out.

It might be a cloudy day today, but tomorrow there might be more time, you might have more energy and more enthusiasm for a challenge. Just wait another day.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

Single at Christmas

Dear Reader,

Merry Christmas, almost.
This is for the singletons out there. Just because we are alone this Christmas, it doesn’t mean we aren’t loved.
Sometimes, it is harder to know that here is someone out there who loves you, but you don’t love them back. For that, it is worse, because we probably already know what that feels like.

Sorry C, I know it’s hard.

It might be the holiday season, but don’t force yourself to fall in love. Think of Christmas like any holiday romance, you take a step out from normality, you are surrounded by family or close friends, you are merry, you want to have fun, stop yourself. It might just hurt them a little bit more than it will make you feel good for not being alone.

Like any holiday, Christmas is temporary, by the time it is a new year you’ll want a fresh start.

Unless it’s true love for you both under the mistletoe. Stay happy alone, don’t let your Christmas spirit get the better of you.

Just a little warning, don’t break their hearts.

Be with your loved ones, not your ex-lovers.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

Bleach the illness out.

Dear Reader,

My dad is in hospital again, this time it isn’t so bad.

He might be on oxygen, tied up to dopamine, on all his usual medication and struggling to walk about but this is kind of healthy for him.

That sounds really awful but at least he hasn’t had a major operation like those times before, at least he isn’t terminally ill.

It is still stressful though, I know he is getting lonely and bored there and unfortunately I don’t have enough time to see him every day. It upsets me that I can’t keep him company. It upsets me that I’m focusing on my own life.

I need to vent more about it but I have work tomorrow and need to go to bed.

Hospitals are standard to me, I feel like I have grown up in them. Don’t be scared if you’re not the patient.

I’m just annoyed my cousin who hasn’t seen my dad. I think they are scared of hospitals and it isn’t fair. Don’t forget who helped look after you when you were young.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

Happy Birthday

Tumblr told me it is this blogs birthday.

A year ago my dreams, my loves and my life seem different, but I am still in a similar position.

This day however, is the first day an article of mine has been published online.

I think I am going to celebrate that more than this, but I wouldn’t have gotten as far with writing if I didn’t practice on a personal blog.

So reader don’t give up.

Sorry it is brief but I have work tomorrow.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

The boy who lived

Dear Reader,

This week is a special week because someone famous for something that was out of their control, was born.

We have had a while to react, get excited about the hype and gush over the photos.

Britain we have not gone crazy.

Every child is a miracle.
Midwives will tell you about stillbirths.
Abortions DO happen.
Every condom used prevents life.
These are all facts of life.

The odds for that specific day, that time, those two genetic materials combining, if any factor changes… And yet we only celebrate the special.

Britain, people will say we are crazy because it is just a baby. But this baby is our country. His parents our figureheads of our society. This is a celebration of all the miracles. It didn’t matter if it was a girl or a boy, it just had to happen.

I keep saying we are not crazy, because if we didn’t celebrate life, we would be.

Celebrate, keep on celebrating. You might never know him, but maybe you’ll be influenced by him. Maybe he will present an award to you and you will be connected. This is life so celebrate it.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence (George)

It’s a big bad world but I ain’t ashamed

Dear Reader,

If you are wondering what relevance the above words have to this blog I’d say not much. I just stole some Selena Gomez lyrics.

That was a lie, those lyrics are very important. (But they really are song lyrics, bit iffy, but the songs got a good beat.)

It can seem like a big bad world, loads of terrible things happen on a daily basis. Stop thinking about those things. Now think why you might be ashamed. All of those are because ‘someone else might think something about you’.

I stopped seeing someone because I was ashamed. It wasn’t their fault, they were just being who they are, I was worried how I’d be viewed in their company. I stopped things because however nice I was to them, they deserved someone who could be proud of them, however they acted.

(Guy who I want to get back with, this isn’t you, you’re still great!)

Since I let my dad know I’m gay, I want to not be ashamed of myself either. That’s why I’m ready for love. I wasn’t last year, maybe now?

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

Give me an emotional break

Dear Reader,

Hasn’t tv got serious?

I know it is important to tackle issues on screen so we have a way of relating when it happens in real life. I am just a little unsure how much of it I can stand to see.

I don’t know about you but I have already spent hours in hospitals with sick and dying family members, watching it on Skins just reminds me how much it sucks.

I know my writing style has gone to pot in this blog but at the moment it doesn’t seem to matter, what matters today is finding a reason to keep going.

We can debate the afterlife, we can debate the meaning of this life, so we need to focus on what we know.

We know we all want to survive.
We know it is easier to survive with someone watching our backs.
So find someone to watch yours because it seems to be the only thing that matters right now.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

Dear Reader, you in particular,

Dear Reader,

I don’t know if you have ever read my blog but I talk about my feelings a lot and relationships.

Well I was really stupid with you. I know you can find this blog cause you’ve got my twitter and so I’m kinda hoping you read this.

I’m not sure if it’s the heat or the utter nothingness in Chipping Norton but I was reading Revolutionary Road and it got me thinking.

Frank goes off and has an affair, but when he’s back his wife says sorry and calls him darling again. She takes hold of his arm when he steps out the car.

What I want is that guy who will hold my hand in public. You did that.

I’m threatened by guys who might be cleverer than me, you’re that too.

I fell for you more when you showed how much you cared, it was when we broke up and I became more speechless because I wanted to ask you to forgive me for being daft, but was too scared of commitment to say it.

I’d love to say this to you but we are far apart at the moment and I’m sure you’ve moved on.

If you can’t tell if I’m referring to you or not that’s really awkward, I’d hope you’d go to the forth with me when I’m back up in Newcastle if that gives you a clue.

If you read this and choose to ignore this I might buck up the courage and ask you when I see you, if you don’t read this well I might try anyway. If you do read this, put me out of my misery.

Yours and Always

James Lawrence

(P.S sorry anyone else who reads this, I don’t mean you.)

Dear Reader, use sun protection my legs hurt. Yours and always James Lawrence

Dear Reader, use sun protection my legs hurt. Yours and always James Lawrence